BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY - TODAY IS MY DAD'S 45TH BIRTHDAY!!! Happy Birthday to the most Amazing man I know; I love you so much Dad and really hope today is special for you... actually I want for every day to be special for you.
_________________________________________________
Apparently I am scheduled to start chemotherapy today. This will be done on the ward, so I don't have to go anywhere, but I have been hooked up to a drip all day waiting for them to start putting something through the line which isn't saline. I am either going to be a very patient person by the time this is all finished, or slowly rocking in a corner somewhere having gone completely insane! I'm a little cross at myself for not having a camera here today - I must make sure I get a pic of myself with all these lines in at some point; it seems to be the kind of pic everyone has to have, right? lol... will ask someone to bring a camera in soon. I have also discovered a littl espot on this computer that allows me to insert an SD card direct into the computer so I can start uploading pics.
I won't type much today - the action is quite uncomfortable when you have a needle into the top of your hand, but I wanted to report that all my blood counts are up, which is a VERY GOOD THING, so I have been approved to start chemo.
Basic stats on the chemo for those who are interested; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dacarbazine I do apologise for using wikipedia as a source of information for you, but I did say basic stats, and it saves me typing out what little I know.
Will report back tomorrow with a progress report, but for now I am really quite drowsy, so I might have a little nap while I wait.
Loving you all, and really looking forward to getting home and sharing some time with all of the people who are supporting me. Definitely missing all you beautiful SS girls, but you will be proud to know that I have been spending time today getting all finances in order for dh so that he can continue living the SS way while I am in hospital or even at home unwell. The next plan is to get started on making some Christmas presents, so I have had some stuff brought in from home so that I can get to work on a bit of that. Hard becuase of limited energy levels, but little by little I'll get there - and now I know how to share pics, I'll show you all what I am creating.
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Still in hospital
I must figure out some way of uploading pictures to this computer - have got to get someone to find the relevant cables and software so that I can do that. For now I am still at Peter Mac. I had another blood transfusion yesterday, two more units to try to bring up my blood levels, particularly the haemoglobins (Hbs) which had dropped below 80 again. For those who don't know the Hbs are the red blood cells, and they carry the oxygen around your body. They should be around 150 (I think) but my levels are not unsafe, just not ideal for someone who wants to start chemo. They can certainly drop a whole lot lower before it starts to be a problem, so yesterday's transfusion, as I understand it, was more of a preventative than a 'oh gosh we have to fix this' thing.
Had my radiotherapy planning session yesterday. I'll be having one dose directly to the left hip to help strengthen the bones and erradicate the cancer that is weakening them around that break. I'll also be having a dose to my L2, while we're down there ;) to help annihilate that growth, and certainly to prevent that from growing any bigger and becoming symptomatic. Then I have five intensive sessions of radiotherapy to my brain; a total of 20 grade radio. This is all set to start on Thursday, with sessions booked for Friday and Saturday, so that could POSSIBLY be finished by Tuesday. I have no idea if I'll be doing chemo before or after that, but because today is a public holiday in Victoria (Melbourne Cup Day) I would think chemo will start late next week. I was not happy about delaying chemo yet again, but if we're starting then I'm okay with that. I'll certainly be trying to find out what I can today.
Off to go check out the pretty horses for Cup Day, sending this with my love and thanks for all your support.
(Oh, and on a side note - THIS time I have a tote in here and have actually been scrappping. It's the first time I have brought supplies into the hospital because I haven't really had stuff packed in the past, but at least I get to play a little. I don't have to the photos I really want, but I an scrap with whatever if I must ;)
Had my radiotherapy planning session yesterday. I'll be having one dose directly to the left hip to help strengthen the bones and erradicate the cancer that is weakening them around that break. I'll also be having a dose to my L2, while we're down there ;) to help annihilate that growth, and certainly to prevent that from growing any bigger and becoming symptomatic. Then I have five intensive sessions of radiotherapy to my brain; a total of 20 grade radio. This is all set to start on Thursday, with sessions booked for Friday and Saturday, so that could POSSIBLY be finished by Tuesday. I have no idea if I'll be doing chemo before or after that, but because today is a public holiday in Victoria (Melbourne Cup Day) I would think chemo will start late next week. I was not happy about delaying chemo yet again, but if we're starting then I'm okay with that. I'll certainly be trying to find out what I can today.
Off to go check out the pretty horses for Cup Day, sending this with my love and thanks for all your support.
(Oh, and on a side note - THIS time I have a tote in here and have actually been scrappping. It's the first time I have brought supplies into the hospital because I haven't really had stuff packed in the past, but at least I get to play a little. I don't have to the photos I really want, but I an scrap with whatever if I must ;)
Sunday, 2 November 2008
Cancer update, includes the story so far.
I really wanted to post on here with photos of all the amazing things that have been happening in my life over recent weeks. And I will do that the first opportunity that I get. Unfortunately, this is not that opportunity. I am once again stuck in hospital, feeling incredibly thankful for my laptop which is at least enabling me to update those of you who want to know with what is going on. I have decided that keeping my blog up to date is going to be the most effective way of letting people know where I am at, saving me from repeating the same information over and over again, and when I am not feeling up to updating, then I can ask my family to update here and know that the news will spread.
Okay - so why am I back in hospital? A not so quick catch up for those who don't really know the story so far. Throughout August/September I suffered with what was presumed to be sciatica. Pain radiated from my lower back right down my left leg and was quite debilitating. After weeks of seeing a physiotherapist to no avail and a trip to Frankston hospital which left me completely hepped up on morpheine and still in pain, my GP decided that closer investigation was neccessary. She sent me for a CT which revelead that the melanoma had metasticised to my lower back, although nothing she saw explained the pain, so into Peter Mac I went.
The end of September greeted me with the news that unfortunately the cancer has spread very aggressively through my body. I have metastacese in my spine at T11 (that's about mid back, and as it turns out was the onemost likely to be causing me all that pain), C4 and L2. There are also multiple spots throughout the bone in my pelvis and right up across my skull. Further to this there are tiny spots (under 5mm each) in my liver, spleen and lungs (actually I believe there to be about 20 spots in each lung).
So all in all, pretty crappy news. For metastic melanoma there are not many tricks in the bag. Straight away we got started on radiotherapy to the largest tumour - at T11. This was to get rid of the pain, so that I could get on with life. The next plan of attack was to begin chemotherapy, so that we could hopefully slow, stop or even reverse the spread of cancer throughout my body. Five days of radiotherapy, some healing time and then chemotherapy began on Monday 6th of October. By this stage I had been in hospital for around two weeks, so I was pleased to be allowed to go home on Tuesday. The plan was for me to come in once a week for chemo for three weeks, then to have a break for a month, then have chemo once a month for as long as it's working - or even better, until it kills all these tumours!
Friday the 10th I came back in for a follow up appointment with the radiotherapy team. Still in pain from the tumour (the effects of radiotherapy really kick in at about the 4 week mark as I understand it) I decided to lie down while I spoke to the specialist, rather than sit in pain. As I climbed up onto the examination bed, my left hip simply broke. The weakness in the bone caused by the cancer resulted in a pathological fracture, which I got sent over to St. Vincent's to have surgery for. After a week of stuffing around they finally decided to put a rod from my left hip right down to my knee. This is to strengthen that whole region, which has a couple of weak spots, so that I don't end up back there with a broken femur sometime down the track.
While I was healing from all this however, chemotherapy had to be put on hold. Even though the particular type of chemo that I am having is well received, it does stop the body from healing properly while you are on it - so I had to get to a certain point of health and strength before starting again. Very frustrating; I'm not a patient girl so this waiting game has been TOUGH! Weekly appointment back at Peter Mac for various things though have meant that I knew they were keeping an eye on me and as soon as I was able I'd be back on chemo. I was starting to feel a little better each day and even managed to sit my Maths exam on Tuesday, at the same time as gradually reducing the amount of pain relief and other medications that I am on. Wednesday afternoon however, I hit a wall. I had a sudden onset migraine, so took myself off to bed, with a top up of morph cos I was feeling so crappy, then came into Peter Mac on Thursday for a blood transfusion. The migraine was still there, but we hoped that with the extra blood things would start to improve and I could have chemotherapy on Friday as had been planned.
Friday morning and I could barely lift my head, but my ever patient mother dragged my miserable butt into the hospital to see the medical oncologist and get me started on chemo... and perhaps see if we could figure out why this migraine was so blasted persistent!
CT of my brain revealed - you guessed it - that the cancer is on the move again. Now here's where the details are still being worked out. You remember earlier I mentioned that there were spots on my skull? Now there are spots in the meningese (so sure I'm spelling all this wrong!) one of which is in the lower left and side of my skull - apparently that's quite close to one of the spots on my spine. An MRI will be done probably tomorrow, and I hope to get the chance to compare those images with the images from the last one. This will mean we can actually track what's going on, because at the moment, I'm really not sure. Being admitted to hospital on a Friday is tough too, because the people who are working on my case specifically are not here, so while I can ask general questions, the specific questions I have about my case have to wait until they return on Monday. Tuesday here is a public holiday, so that will invariably slow things up a bit too, but at least tomorrow I should have some answers.
By now if you've manageto get through ALL of that you're probably feeling completely confused and un-informed, but there it is. I will post information about radiotherapy and the exact type of chemo I am on as these things start, and I have so many blessings that have been bestowed on me that I want to share, so I will post these things as I get the energy. Hopefully by posting all my updates to one spot, everyone will be kept up to date. If you know someone who is wanting to know what's going on, please share this information, because I am really struggling to make sure the progress reports get to all those who want them.
I have been overwhelmed by the love and support that has come to not only myself, but to my family, and continue to be grateful for this. For those who I haven't already told, I AM FIGHTING! I have never been a quitter and I pray daily for the miracle that will set me free from this disease. With God, all things are possible and I ask you to join me in praying that the cancer is not in control of my body and that I live for many years to come; a testimony to God's amazing power. We have been told that the percentages are not in my favour, but percentages are just that - an AVERAGE of how people respond in this situation. I chose to be among the numbers of those who survive. I chose life - because it is GLORIOUS! I chose to be there as my children grow through the teen years and into adulthood. I chose to achieve my dreams and create new ones. I chose to grow old with my husband, a man I love as much now as the day I married him. I chose to stand before the world and bear witness to a God so great that he can heal anthing, and restore me to a health better than ever before, because I am now eating foods which are better for my body and being more aware of the things that bring health to me and my family. I chose to look at these delays, not as setbacks, but as time for my body to gather strength for the battle ahead. I chose to trust in God's plan; before I was born he knew the exact moment and circumstance of my joining Him in Heaven, and I pray that this is a long time into the future so that I have time to reach the potential I feel He has given to me.
I also chose to stop writing here and climb into bed; this has taken me a couple of sessions to write, so it's probably taken YOU a couple of sessions to read!
As always, sending this into cyberspace with my love to all those of you who care enough to stop by.
Okay - so why am I back in hospital? A not so quick catch up for those who don't really know the story so far. Throughout August/September I suffered with what was presumed to be sciatica. Pain radiated from my lower back right down my left leg and was quite debilitating. After weeks of seeing a physiotherapist to no avail and a trip to Frankston hospital which left me completely hepped up on morpheine and still in pain, my GP decided that closer investigation was neccessary. She sent me for a CT which revelead that the melanoma had metasticised to my lower back, although nothing she saw explained the pain, so into Peter Mac I went.
The end of September greeted me with the news that unfortunately the cancer has spread very aggressively through my body. I have metastacese in my spine at T11 (that's about mid back, and as it turns out was the onemost likely to be causing me all that pain), C4 and L2. There are also multiple spots throughout the bone in my pelvis and right up across my skull. Further to this there are tiny spots (under 5mm each) in my liver, spleen and lungs (actually I believe there to be about 20 spots in each lung).
So all in all, pretty crappy news. For metastic melanoma there are not many tricks in the bag. Straight away we got started on radiotherapy to the largest tumour - at T11. This was to get rid of the pain, so that I could get on with life. The next plan of attack was to begin chemotherapy, so that we could hopefully slow, stop or even reverse the spread of cancer throughout my body. Five days of radiotherapy, some healing time and then chemotherapy began on Monday 6th of October. By this stage I had been in hospital for around two weeks, so I was pleased to be allowed to go home on Tuesday. The plan was for me to come in once a week for chemo for three weeks, then to have a break for a month, then have chemo once a month for as long as it's working - or even better, until it kills all these tumours!
Friday the 10th I came back in for a follow up appointment with the radiotherapy team. Still in pain from the tumour (the effects of radiotherapy really kick in at about the 4 week mark as I understand it) I decided to lie down while I spoke to the specialist, rather than sit in pain. As I climbed up onto the examination bed, my left hip simply broke. The weakness in the bone caused by the cancer resulted in a pathological fracture, which I got sent over to St. Vincent's to have surgery for. After a week of stuffing around they finally decided to put a rod from my left hip right down to my knee. This is to strengthen that whole region, which has a couple of weak spots, so that I don't end up back there with a broken femur sometime down the track.
While I was healing from all this however, chemotherapy had to be put on hold. Even though the particular type of chemo that I am having is well received, it does stop the body from healing properly while you are on it - so I had to get to a certain point of health and strength before starting again. Very frustrating; I'm not a patient girl so this waiting game has been TOUGH! Weekly appointment back at Peter Mac for various things though have meant that I knew they were keeping an eye on me and as soon as I was able I'd be back on chemo. I was starting to feel a little better each day and even managed to sit my Maths exam on Tuesday, at the same time as gradually reducing the amount of pain relief and other medications that I am on. Wednesday afternoon however, I hit a wall. I had a sudden onset migraine, so took myself off to bed, with a top up of morph cos I was feeling so crappy, then came into Peter Mac on Thursday for a blood transfusion. The migraine was still there, but we hoped that with the extra blood things would start to improve and I could have chemotherapy on Friday as had been planned.
Friday morning and I could barely lift my head, but my ever patient mother dragged my miserable butt into the hospital to see the medical oncologist and get me started on chemo... and perhaps see if we could figure out why this migraine was so blasted persistent!
CT of my brain revealed - you guessed it - that the cancer is on the move again. Now here's where the details are still being worked out. You remember earlier I mentioned that there were spots on my skull? Now there are spots in the meningese (so sure I'm spelling all this wrong!) one of which is in the lower left and side of my skull - apparently that's quite close to one of the spots on my spine. An MRI will be done probably tomorrow, and I hope to get the chance to compare those images with the images from the last one. This will mean we can actually track what's going on, because at the moment, I'm really not sure. Being admitted to hospital on a Friday is tough too, because the people who are working on my case specifically are not here, so while I can ask general questions, the specific questions I have about my case have to wait until they return on Monday. Tuesday here is a public holiday, so that will invariably slow things up a bit too, but at least tomorrow I should have some answers.
By now if you've manageto get through ALL of that you're probably feeling completely confused and un-informed, but there it is. I will post information about radiotherapy and the exact type of chemo I am on as these things start, and I have so many blessings that have been bestowed on me that I want to share, so I will post these things as I get the energy. Hopefully by posting all my updates to one spot, everyone will be kept up to date. If you know someone who is wanting to know what's going on, please share this information, because I am really struggling to make sure the progress reports get to all those who want them.
I have been overwhelmed by the love and support that has come to not only myself, but to my family, and continue to be grateful for this. For those who I haven't already told, I AM FIGHTING! I have never been a quitter and I pray daily for the miracle that will set me free from this disease. With God, all things are possible and I ask you to join me in praying that the cancer is not in control of my body and that I live for many years to come; a testimony to God's amazing power. We have been told that the percentages are not in my favour, but percentages are just that - an AVERAGE of how people respond in this situation. I chose to be among the numbers of those who survive. I chose life - because it is GLORIOUS! I chose to be there as my children grow through the teen years and into adulthood. I chose to achieve my dreams and create new ones. I chose to grow old with my husband, a man I love as much now as the day I married him. I chose to stand before the world and bear witness to a God so great that he can heal anthing, and restore me to a health better than ever before, because I am now eating foods which are better for my body and being more aware of the things that bring health to me and my family. I chose to look at these delays, not as setbacks, but as time for my body to gather strength for the battle ahead. I chose to trust in God's plan; before I was born he knew the exact moment and circumstance of my joining Him in Heaven, and I pray that this is a long time into the future so that I have time to reach the potential I feel He has given to me.
I also chose to stop writing here and climb into bed; this has taken me a couple of sessions to write, so it's probably taken YOU a couple of sessions to read!
As always, sending this into cyberspace with my love to all those of you who care enough to stop by.
Thursday, 19 June 2008
Well I'm sure you're all used to me not posting when I say I will... but I did WANT to post and show you what awesomeness I created for Education week.. but my camera was broke.. so tough luck.
This is a super quick post - I wanted to share with you all this wonderful amazing thing that my beautiful Cister (you'll always be my cister Kaz) posted for me on her blog.
http://karen-day.blogspot.com/2008/06/to-my-beautiful-friend-dee.html
Kaz is a total super star scrapper these days - has her own range of delectable embies, and graces the cover of this months Scrapbook Creations. But more than that - she is a totally genuine, sensitive and lovable woman who makes me laugh with her wicked sense of humour and makes me so glad that God has blessed me with her friendship. So I wanted to share with you all, just the kind of wonderfulness she is. Please pop over and check it out.. oh, and take the tissues!
This is a super quick post - I wanted to share with you all this wonderful amazing thing that my beautiful Cister (you'll always be my cister Kaz) posted for me on her blog.
http://karen-day.blogspot.com/2008/06/to-my-beautiful-friend-dee.html
Kaz is a total super star scrapper these days - has her own range of delectable embies, and graces the cover of this months Scrapbook Creations. But more than that - she is a totally genuine, sensitive and lovable woman who makes me laugh with her wicked sense of humour and makes me so glad that God has blessed me with her friendship. So I wanted to share with you all, just the kind of wonderfulness she is. Please pop over and check it out.. oh, and take the tissues!
Sunday, 18 May 2008
Okay, I have a whole lotta cool stuff to post over the coming week; so I'm going to post this sucky stuff now.
I am starting radiation therapy in about three weeks. Basically, because I have a history of the cancer coming back after surgery the oncologists are going to try radiation as a form of killing off any cells in the region that they didn't get. I am praying this works, and really focusing hard on giving this worry to God, because it's really too big for me to deal with alone, and quite frankly I have never seen the point in worrying myself literally ill over something I can not change.
Post surgically I got a really nasty infection that saw me in and out of Peter Mac more times than I chose to count. I was still losing over 100mls of blood every day 3 weeks after surgery! I was tired and shaky and generally felt pretty crappy. My darling husband was awesomely supportive, and I really couldn't have managed without him; but I have to say, sitting around doing nothing for three weeks is not a good thing for me. I am SOOO appreciative of my renewed health right now; let me tell you.
I finally returned to Uni this week; and heavens have I got some catching up to do!!!! I started my first placement days at Red Hill Consolidated School; I still have a couple to go, but I AM LOVING IT!!! I really wish I could just get straight into the classroom, becuase as much as I enjoy Uni; I really feel like it's a big ol' waste of time. I have learned more this week working with the grade two's than I have since I started at Uni! And I am confident that I will learn more in my first week as a teacher than the rest of my education combined... oh well; I guess I'd do better to learn some stuff before they unleashed me on the poor unsuspecting children :)
Only twomore weeks until this semster is over - where did that go?
This week - starting tomorrow - is Education week. I have been totally inspired by this creative woman and have decided to make gifts for each of the 25 teachers at Dane's school. Stay tuned and I'll start posting pics tomorrow. Make sure you check out that blog link, and scroll on down, she has some AMAZING ideas.
Thanks everyone for you well wishes; I'm sorry I'm not updating more regularly, but I really have been feeling crappy. Love n hugs
Dee
I am starting radiation therapy in about three weeks. Basically, because I have a history of the cancer coming back after surgery the oncologists are going to try radiation as a form of killing off any cells in the region that they didn't get. I am praying this works, and really focusing hard on giving this worry to God, because it's really too big for me to deal with alone, and quite frankly I have never seen the point in worrying myself literally ill over something I can not change.
Post surgically I got a really nasty infection that saw me in and out of Peter Mac more times than I chose to count. I was still losing over 100mls of blood every day 3 weeks after surgery! I was tired and shaky and generally felt pretty crappy. My darling husband was awesomely supportive, and I really couldn't have managed without him; but I have to say, sitting around doing nothing for three weeks is not a good thing for me. I am SOOO appreciative of my renewed health right now; let me tell you.
I finally returned to Uni this week; and heavens have I got some catching up to do!!!! I started my first placement days at Red Hill Consolidated School; I still have a couple to go, but I AM LOVING IT!!! I really wish I could just get straight into the classroom, becuase as much as I enjoy Uni; I really feel like it's a big ol' waste of time. I have learned more this week working with the grade two's than I have since I started at Uni! And I am confident that I will learn more in my first week as a teacher than the rest of my education combined... oh well; I guess I'd do better to learn some stuff before they unleashed me on the poor unsuspecting children :)
Only twomore weeks until this semster is over - where did that go?
This week - starting tomorrow - is Education week. I have been totally inspired by this creative woman and have decided to make gifts for each of the 25 teachers at Dane's school. Stay tuned and I'll start posting pics tomorrow. Make sure you check out that blog link, and scroll on down, she has some AMAZING ideas.
Thanks everyone for you well wishes; I'm sorry I'm not updating more regularly, but I really have been feeling crappy. Love n hugs
Dee
Thursday, 17 April 2008
Off for surgery tomorrow
One more night of not sleeping until I will have my very own bed in at Peter Maccallum cancer institute. I have no idea what is going to happen, but should be out early next week - apparently even as soon as Sunday night or Monday morning. My Daddy is coming down to babysit my darling children while I'm away, so they're going to have an AWESOME time, and I'll be back before you know it.
Love n hugs everyone - will log back on when I get home.
Love n hugs everyone - will log back on when I get home.
Sunday, 13 April 2008
An Update
OKay, so I know I'm supposed to update this thing regularly and really I promise I will... one day. I suppose if you actually have enough interesting stuff going on in your life that someone would want to read about, your probably don't have too much time to say it, hey? That's certainly been my life of late.
For those of you who don't know; I was diagnosed with melanoma when Lydia was only a few weeks old. This has been a bit of an on-going saga since then, with treatment and surgery and all manner of stress attached to it. It continues to provide the greatest stress in my life, and I have just recently been diagnosed with metastatic melanoma. If you don't know what this is, basically, the original cancer (melanoma - which is a type of skin cancer) has mestasticized into my lymph nodes. The way I understand it, mestasticized is a big long word which means moved into. So this means I now have cancer in my lymph nodes, and we have spent a great deal of time over recent weeks trying to find out how much I have and how far it has spread. Unfortunately there is no cure at this point for metastatic melanoma, other than cutting it out, so if it had spread through the lymph system this would be BAD BAD BAD news. Luckily for me, it doesn't appear to have spread. I have 7 tumours all localised underneath my right armpit, and will be heading on in for surgery as soon as my oncologist organises it. All up, it's not really such a big deal as we have made it, I have stuff in my body that needs to be removed, so the surgeons will cut it out. Fairly simple really. But heavens, the last few weeks have been anything but. It has been frightening and emotional and just plain awful. I haven't been able to think straight, sleep well, or go a whole day without bursting into tears. I am seriously partying now that I know what I am dealing with. That word - cancer - really does strike fear into your heart.
On another equally emotional note, it was with an incredibly heavy heart that I bid farewell to my beautiful friend Marian last month. Maz was an amazing woman, with strength, compassion, dignity and the most wicked sense of humour. She was a wonderful friend, and my life is so much poorer for having lost her. I guess you never really know how much you will miss someone until they are gone, but I will forever miss Marian, a great scrapping buddy, a strong shoulder to cry on, and the kind of person who would never judge you by how you looked, how well kept your home was or how much money you had. I think that so many people could learn so much about love from Maz, as she was so eager and willing to share her love with everyone around her.
So how's that for a completely miserable post? I bet you're all wishing I'd stayed away now, lol. Uni is keeping me incredibly busy - it's hard work!!! But I am loving it, and making some awesome friends. We actually start placement in a few weeks, so hopefully I'll be up to it, and well and truly post-surgery by then. I've also been getting a little more involved at church; I started the Alpha course, which is a great way to meet people of the same faith. Thanks goodness I don't sleep, I really don't have time :)
Anyone still reading?? I'm impressed. I have started my BOM - and will share at some point, but for now I think that's enough from me.
For those of you who don't know; I was diagnosed with melanoma when Lydia was only a few weeks old. This has been a bit of an on-going saga since then, with treatment and surgery and all manner of stress attached to it. It continues to provide the greatest stress in my life, and I have just recently been diagnosed with metastatic melanoma. If you don't know what this is, basically, the original cancer (melanoma - which is a type of skin cancer) has mestasticized into my lymph nodes. The way I understand it, mestasticized is a big long word which means moved into. So this means I now have cancer in my lymph nodes, and we have spent a great deal of time over recent weeks trying to find out how much I have and how far it has spread. Unfortunately there is no cure at this point for metastatic melanoma, other than cutting it out, so if it had spread through the lymph system this would be BAD BAD BAD news. Luckily for me, it doesn't appear to have spread. I have 7 tumours all localised underneath my right armpit, and will be heading on in for surgery as soon as my oncologist organises it. All up, it's not really such a big deal as we have made it, I have stuff in my body that needs to be removed, so the surgeons will cut it out. Fairly simple really. But heavens, the last few weeks have been anything but. It has been frightening and emotional and just plain awful. I haven't been able to think straight, sleep well, or go a whole day without bursting into tears. I am seriously partying now that I know what I am dealing with. That word - cancer - really does strike fear into your heart.
On another equally emotional note, it was with an incredibly heavy heart that I bid farewell to my beautiful friend Marian last month. Maz was an amazing woman, with strength, compassion, dignity and the most wicked sense of humour. She was a wonderful friend, and my life is so much poorer for having lost her. I guess you never really know how much you will miss someone until they are gone, but I will forever miss Marian, a great scrapping buddy, a strong shoulder to cry on, and the kind of person who would never judge you by how you looked, how well kept your home was or how much money you had. I think that so many people could learn so much about love from Maz, as she was so eager and willing to share her love with everyone around her.
So how's that for a completely miserable post? I bet you're all wishing I'd stayed away now, lol. Uni is keeping me incredibly busy - it's hard work!!! But I am loving it, and making some awesome friends. We actually start placement in a few weeks, so hopefully I'll be up to it, and well and truly post-surgery by then. I've also been getting a little more involved at church; I started the Alpha course, which is a great way to meet people of the same faith. Thanks goodness I don't sleep, I really don't have time :)
Anyone still reading?? I'm impressed. I have started my BOM - and will share at some point, but for now I think that's enough from me.
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